Letting Pooping Dogs Poop.

I will never not find a pooping dog funny.

Pooping dogs always have that look. That look of knowing. Knowing that what they’re doing looks awkward. And frustrated that while we get to go barricade ourselves in a room somewhere while we vacate our bowels, dogs instead are paraded around in the open and forced to do their business in front of a public’s very watchful eye.

I’ve never not seen that look in their eyes.

The rumpled eyebrows that are equal parts grunting-induced and “really? You’re just gonna stand and choose this very moment to lock eyes with me?”

A pooping dog looks like a muscle-headed body builder in the middle of a flex during a competition, hunched over and contorted in an unnatural pose while grunting.

Like baseball players, pooping dogs have difference stances.

Some will just stand in the batters box, get it done, and walk away trying to forget what they just were relegated to doing. Others do what I like to call Shit Walker, Texas Ranger [for those of you who are Chuck Norris fans]. These dogs look like they’re done going, but then begin walking around the lawn and finishing their business still half-humped over and half-walking. Then, of course, you have the dogs that finish going and let you know they are done - by doing their impression of a bull. They finish, move forward a step or two, and then violently kick their back feet a few times to kick up grass partially to cover their dookie, but mostly, to show their owners who is boss.

Eight or eighty years old, it won’t matter.

I’ll still laugh at a pooping dog.