Seven 9s and 10s

I used to have a coworker that I really liked a lot but now she is dead to me because she sent me to the craigslist posting for this beagle/pointer mix named Patch.

I want a dog. I really really really want a dog. And Patch looks pretty much ideal.  But, I just can’t have a dog in my life right now because I know I don’t have the time to commit to a pet, especially a very young, not-neutered, beagle-mix.  Maybe if I was living with someone that could share the responsibility, then I’d be able to give it more serious consideration, but that’s not the situation.  I hope whomever adopts Patch gives him the best life any dog could ever hope for.

And so, I used to have a coworker that I really liked a lot, but now she’s dead to me.

For sale: E.L. Fudge Cookies - Gently Enjoyed - $2 (Rochester)

These cookies are absolutely delicious, but I can’t possibly eat anymore of them. 

They are quite fresh; their buttery cookies are still crisp and snappy and the chocolate fudge filling is soft and smooth. 

I was challenged and attempted to finish the entire package within 15 minutes but I just couldn’t do it and I can’t bear to see the evidence of my failure sitting here on my kitchen table. 

Let me know if you’re interested. You must agree to thoroughly enjoy them. 
I reserve the right to refuse sale if I don’t think you’re worthy of taking over the care of these magical little Elven delights. 

I’ve included two pictures to show that these cookies are in mint condition. 

I guarantee your satisfaction and will offer a 110% refund if you are not completely thrilled with your purchase. 
Thanks for looking!

Will you be my wingman? -m4d4m4w-

Do you like to take long walks on the beach?  How about running around, chasing and playing with friends?  How does a warm, soapy bath sound?  I’ll draw it nice and slow and gently wash you (or vigorously, if that’s what you like), then I’ll wrap you up in a soft, warm towel.  We can snuggle up on the couch and I’ll treat you to the most scrumptious dinners you could possibly imagine - nothing dry and bland here - I can give you delicious rare steaks, because I don’t even like steak!  All of this, and more, can be yours.

I won’t discriminate against color, size, nor shape.  Long hair, short hair, dark hair, light hair - I think you’re all beautiful in your own special way.  I don’t ask for much in return: just companionship and time together; I want to take you out into the world, preferably to the dog park where there always seems to be an abundance of beautiful single girls with their dogs.  You can help me break the ice and talk to these girls.  You can run up to them and sniff their legs and they’ll say “Oh how cute!  What kind of dog is this?” and then I’ll tell them you’re a Swedish Beagle, or perhaps maybe you’re 1/4 Dutch Lab, 1/4 Canadian Basset Hound, 3/8 Japanese Terrier, and 1/8 Brazilian Monkey Dog, and then she’ll say “Oh, really? I’ve never even heard of those. How exotic!” and then the conversation will have started and you will have performed your job admirably and I’ll toss the tennis ball again so you can go chase it while I continue talking to her.  It’ll all be grand and exciting and it’ll be great for me and great for you!

If all of this sounds like something you might be interested in, then please contact me and we can get together and see where life takes us.  Let’s give it a shot!  What do you say?