People with good eyesight: you will never experience the indescribable terror of bending over to pull up your pants in the bathroom and then suddenly feeling your glasses sliding off your head.

People with bad eyesight who wear glasses with straight temples that don’t curve down behind the ears are probably the same kind of people who like to go BASE jumping and eat deep-fried insects and step on all of the sidewalk cracks.

btothed:

I will never not find a pooping dog funny.

Pooping dogs always have that look. That look of knowing. Knowing that what they’re doing looks awkward. And frustrated that while we get to go barricade ourselves in a room somewhere while we vacate our bowels, dogs instead are paraded around in the open and forced to do their business in front of a public’s very watchful eye.

I’ve never not seen that look in their eyes.

The rumpled eyebrows that are equal parts grunting-induced and “really? You’re just gonna stand and choose this very moment to lock eyes with me?”

A pooping dog looks like a muscle-headed body builder in the middle of a flex during a competition, hunched over and contorted in an unnatural pose while grunting.

Like baseball players, pooping dogs have difference stances.

Some will just stand in the batters box, get it done, and walk away trying to forget what they just were relegated to doing. Others do what I like to call Shit Walker, Texas Ranger [for those of you who are Chuck Norris fans]. These dogs look like they’re done going, but then begin walking around the lawn and finishing their business still half-humped over and half-walking. Then, of course, you have the dogs that finish going and let you know they are done - by doing their impression of a bull. They finish, move forward a step or two, and then violently kick their back feet a few times to kick up grass partially to cover their dookie, but mostly, to show their owners who is boss.

Eight or eighty years old, it won’t matter.

I’ll still laugh at a pooping dog.

Ask anyone who knows me and they will tell you how often I talk about dogs pooping. Bruce hit the bullseye with this post.

The look in their eyes, man.

The. Look. In. Their. Eyes.

You people were busy while I was in Chicago.

Here you go. Knock yourselves out: http://threewords.me/steelopus

babyjaydenboy:

I TOLD MY MAMA I WANNA PUT THAT ON MY TUMBLR!! THAT WILL GET ME MORE PERSONS!!

I SAID THEY’RE GONNA FREAK OUT. THEY’RE GONNA FREAK OUT SO BAD, IT WILL GET ME MORE PERSONS.

AND FART YOUR TRUMPET OUT YOUR NOSE!

The only difference between what comes out of Jayden’s mouth and what goes on in my brain is nothing. There is no difference.

POOP BUCKETS INSIDE YOUR TAXI CAMEL!