Excuse me while I just dump my thoughts out into the ether. I need to clear my head.

So, when I first heard the news I was all “Yes. I’m going. No matter what it takes or how much it costs. I’m going.”

Then I left the house and spent a few hours outside, and reality set in.  Here I am, trying to buy my first house, yet today alone I’ve vowed to blow at least $1000 on travel - between the San Francisco and (proposed) DC tweetups, and a few east coast David Bazan concerts in a few different cities.

The rational part of my brain is telling me I’m stupid for considering all of this.  That money could be much better used in a down payment, or for some furniture, or anything else related to what I’ve been saving for for years.

But then I start to analyze my analysis and I think “No. That’s your social anxiety trying to talk you out of these trips - trying to scare you away from meeting people that you love. You can afford this and you could really use some time off from work.”

And so, I go back and forth - the two sides of my brain engaged in a civil war, each side convinced it has the right answer, but unable to convince the other.

What the hell. I don’t know what I’m going to do.  If I go to SF, I don’t see the point in just visiting for a weekend - it’s not the kind of place you can get to know in a weekend - but I definitely can’t afford to waste a mortgage payment on a hotel for a week in SF.

I do know that I’m not going to commit to anything until I’m confident I’m making the right decision.