I promise you that within 24 hours of saying (or even thinking) “I can’t remember the last time I saw a spider in my house…” you will see one.
I think that’s proof that there is a god, and that god is a spider, and if heaven is ruled by a spider then dear god I can’t even comprehend the terrifying figure that must rule hell.
I declared war this evening.
You haven’t lived until you’ve emptied a gallon of insect killer, one squirt at a time, around the perimeter of your basement.
Tonight’s casualties included 5-kills-via-shoe-stomp, 5 additional direct hits with the kill-juice, as well as any civilians hiding in the cracks while I applied a full saturation to the edges of my base.
I’m winning the battle and I hope to soon win the war.